God is good

Tonight I got a question I hadn't heard for awhile. "When are you going to have another one?" People mean well. I know that. They just don't think, I guess.

Two years ago this month, I had a miscarriage. We weren't even thinking about having another child, much less trying. So, the feelings were strange. I was excited, but I was going to start all over again. Nonetheless, I was intrigued. This was a good thing. It had been hard for us to get pregnant with my daughter and this was a blessing from God. Babies are blessing from God and God is good. After about 6 weeks, I lost that baby. In the weeks that followed, I was having trouble believing God was good. If He was good, why would he have gotten my hopes up with this pregnancy? That time in my life was not a good one for me. The doubts that were just a sometimes visitor were now a welcome friend.

In the months that followed, we tried treatments and doctors and shots and the whole 9 yards. All of them ended in disappointment. Why is that? What did I ever do to God? I mean, I was in church. I help lead junior church. I take my turn in the nursery. Why wasn't I given a chance to have another child?

And then, I realized this. The old saying that God will never give you more that you can handle. Maybe that was more than I was ready to handle. I don't know this for sure. I may never know. I don't pretend to know what God's thoughts and plans are for me. I'm not on the same playing field as Him. It's pretty silly to imagine that I can know what God is planning.

So, to that well meaning woman tonight, I said, "I think we're good with our one". She continues on. "You might regret that when you get older." Wow lady. I just said, "I'll just take what God gives me".

So, while it's easy to say God is good, while I was going through this time in my life, I couldn't believe it. Through all of the disappointment and confusion, it was hard to believe. Now, how can't I trust Him? How do I know the future? I don't. I can't. Doesn't God make good decisions? Of course He does. He makes better decisions that I do. Of course. He knows everything. So while sometimes news is hard to take or understand, you must put your trust in God. He has your best interest at heart.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Cory. I am a wife and a mother.

I strive for transparency, hence the blog title. I've wanted to achieve total transparency for a long time now. I get close, and then I take several steps back. So, I live my life trying to help others see two things. One: I am really far away from perfect. Two: That's okay with God. I think the trying/striving pleases Him.

I am broken and falling apart. I am in need of help, probably more than anyone could offer. That's where Jesus comes in. He steps right in and saves the day. It's really amazing. I bring my broken and filthy rags and He puts me back together and makes me whole. I can't believe it sometimes. I struggle with it often. But, I know there is strength in numbers. So, I will pour my heart out and you let me know what you struggle with. We will be transparent together - the way God intended things to be.